Velocibox: The Quest to Unlock the Ragebox

Ah Velocibox, just saying, typing or even thinking of that name sends sparks of rage flying from my Medulla Oblongata (I love references).

In this game you flip, roll, dodge and then game over. After that you get hit by another one of seventy different tough as nails obstacle patterns in which you must dip, duck, dodge and still game over. I am sensing a theme.

Just getting through the tutorial was a challenge that I hadn't prepared for. The speed in which the game moves threw me off and don't get me started with the world being Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Started. This game is a hardcore test of reaction time and muscle memory. But in my case it seems like a vial of luck was dropped into the gooey substance known as my skill.

Velocibox is a hardcore fast paced action-arcade game that looks like the infamous 'Impossible Game', had a child with the famous 'Sonic the Hedgehog' game. You play as a cube and for the purpose of this review, let's call him Gilbert. Gilbert runs, or rather slides along a hallway in which obstacles have been created (by Gilbert's older brother no doubt) to impede your ability to collect progression cubes to get to the next level, which is in fact another hallway but the difficulty has increased 10 fold. For future reference, I will be referring to these as the 'Non-Companion' Cubes.

The game itself looks visually appealing but it lacks in play-ability for the casual gamer. Without the ability of a few of my gaming brethren, there is no way I will be able to complete these levels. You need Jedi like reflexes and the mental inner-peace and calm of one also. Playing this game has proven that I do not have either of these qualities. I'm more along the lines of Jabba the Hut on a motorized turbo scooter that listens to the same song over and over again...."Game Over".


This game absorbed around 2 hours of my time... 2 hours! I got lost in it's sharp edges and upbeat music. Not going to lie, I barely got to listen to the audio track because it restarted every single time I failed and as for those sharp edges, well they were the reason I failed regularly. The game itself does look good and does have a great music score, but I found the controls to be clunky. For example I recommend not even attempting to use the analog stick if you are playing on console because a mere touch, and the cube you play as ends up half way up the wall, kind of like my family when I'm around. In turn the D-Pad is not as responsive as I feel it should be. It feels like there is slight input lag and sometimes I don't think it registers button presses.

So I made it to level 2 and it's pretty. What am I saying? The Colours changed and then entire walls were untouchable. I officially named this level "See You Next Tuesday" for obvious reasons being that I was going to meet up with the game and give it a go next Tuesday after I had tested myself for crazy. After 10 -15 minutes of trying to get more than one Non-Companion Cube. I found that I was starting to have flashes of terrorizing people and throwing tanks at armies while standing 3 stories tall and donning thick green skin!.


Meanwhile the sounds out of my mouth are along the lines of Jabba's own speech. A lot of words mixed in one. I believe with the amount I fail in this game, I could be a fully qualified auctioneer. But less about what this game does to my mental state and more about the game itself. This game is exactly as it is advertised, A hardcore fast twitch action game that tests even the most seasoned gamers with beyond human reflexes and speed. I'm talking about you Asia Pacific StarCraft players.

I can see this game being a decent game if they didn't just throw you into the furious speeds with difficult obstacles and instead slowly paced you into it, so that you had a much better grasp on the game. I even tried playing similar games to get into the right mindset before turning on this game and it made little to no difference. If you aspire to be the next Hulk or are legitimately good at these games and want to challenge yourself, give this game a try. If not just stick to Snake or the impossible game.

Thanks for the read!

-Reprimere-